Today's Bikram class reminded me of mile 20 of the marathon, you are so close, and yet, you still have 10K left to go.
I got to class, probably a little under-hydrated, and tired. I felt good at first, then it got hard. It was really hard, and every pose was a challenge. I even had to sit out one of my favorite poses because the heat in the room was really starting to get to me.
I had to sit out more of class than I wanted to. I wanted to have a really fabulous class, I even moved my mat to the middle section of the studio... feeling like I had graduated from absolute beginner. So of course, I was embarrassed when I felt like I wasn't doing well enough. I kept trying to feel better by looking for people in the front who also had to sit down, but pretty quickly I remembered, you go to yoga to improve yourself, not to compare yourself to others.
So, I decided to look at it this way... I have made big improvements, enough so that I have increased my confidence. I was confident enough to move to the middle of the room, and that's where I want to be. I tried my hardest at each pose.
I also remembered something my usual yoga instructor usually says (I had someone else today), each class is reflective of what is going on in our lives, sometimes when you are going through something, your practice will reflect that. The bar is less than 2 weeks away, and I have a feeling that is impacting my yoga practice.
So, when I left the room, I left everything that doesn't benefit me... I left the nervousness, and the stress, I left the body that doesn't feel like it's working hard enough, I left the part of me that compares myself to others behind... and hopefully, I will not need to shed them again, but if I do, I know that the yoga studio will be available to help me cleanse myself.